11.28.06

I know I need to post, since I haven't posted since before Thanksgiving. So here it is.

To be honest, I haven't been reading my Bible like I should. I used to be in the discipline of reading it every day. I can't say that right now.

I just got done sitting down and spending some time in it.

I feel fearful.

Not in a scared in a bad way way. But in a good, God-intended way. I went back to Genesis and read about Abraham's servant going back to Mesopotamia to get Isaac a wife, then I read in Job, God's response to Job's questioning Him, and then in Matthew, what Jesus said about it being better to loose body parts than to sin with them and take them to hell...and then what he said about accepting the kingdom of God like a child, and about divorce, and what he said to the rich young ruler.

I feel like I deserve to get slapped.

May I remember amidst all the talk of a loving, kind, God...not to forget; the God of the New Testament is the God of the Old. The God who gives me authority, holds me accountable. Would I leave everything I have for Him? Do I hate my mother and father - in comparison to Him? Jesus was not Mr. Feel-good. He was and is Mr. Truth.

Have you ever thought...if after Jesus spoke to that rich young ruler, he turned...and you were standing there...and then he looked at you...looked at you as you are in your life right now. I tremble at the thought of what He would ask me...already knowing the answer.

I think only after shameful consideration of that thought, can I then rightly turn and beg for His forgiveness; and knowing what He expects of me (everything); and knowing my horrible, weak, self...hold fast to his words of hope for me, "With man this is impossible. But not with God. With God all things are possible."

It humbles me. And sometimes I need that. Times like tonight.