....ewww.....

Recently I was in a public restroom. I was washing my hands when a boy exited a stall. While exiting he wrung his hands. I felt something wet land on my ankle.

Creamer Catapult

We ate at a Waffle House on the way back from camping this weekend. Micah was playing with one of those little coffee creamer cups. As always, he put it in his mouth. While he was doing that, he bit down and it blew up; all over him and if you look at the bottom of the counter in the background, it even got back that far.

Amsterdam never ceases to amaze me

Pedophiles are trying to start their own political party over there.

http://today.reuters.com/news/newsarticle.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-05-30T170341Z_01_L30338107_RTRUKOC_0_US-DUTCH-PEDOPHILES.xml&src=rss

hilarious

I'm going after work today to take the written part of the CDL license test. So I'm studying a little bit right now. I'm looking at a multiple choice practice test and the answer key. I see this question:

How many seats are you normally allowed to have that are not securely fastened down?

And then I see as one of the possible answers:

Just some seats in some states that have buses carrying farm laborers.

I think thats so funny, that they would make that one of the possible answers. I just picture a bunch of illegal aliens sitting seat-belted into seats that are sliding around a farm bus.

And then I look at the key....

Thats the right answer.

From www.gullible.com

• Due to the growing problem among their upper-class citizens, Singapore recently outlawed the use of LASIK or other eye-altering procedures to degrade one's eyesight enough to avoid compulsory military service.

• Nearly one-third of teenagers whose families are on one or more government assistance programs own an iPod.

• The Software Publishing Association estimates that on average the chance of a software patch causing crashes or serious compatibility problems is seven times greater than the likelihood of running into the bug or security issue which the patch was intended to fix.

• Every year an average person will unknowingly consume roughly one ounce of feces.

• While not considered a country, Antarctica had the highest mortality rate in the world in 2003. This was due to a single death among the small permanent population.

• Every minute, the human brain processes about 17GB of visual input, 5GB of audio input 20MB of tactile input, 350kB of olfactory input, and 100 kB of gustatory input.

• Walter Chalmers, who died in 1982, fluently spoke 68 different languages, more than anyone else in recorded history.

A tourist from New York City unsuccessfully attempted to plead not guilty recently to a murder he committed in Las Vegas, citing the advertising slogan: "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" as his defense.

Only 7 percent of Americans pronounce the second 's' in the word 'asterisk'.

• The strongest earthquake in recorded history took place in 241 BC off the coast of China. It is estimated to have been at least magnitude 9.4.

• Kites were invented as a siege weapon, but were relatively ineffective. It was another 30 years before they were first made as toys.

• There have been 572 attempts to patent the wheel in the United States. Seven of these were granted, but revoked when they were challenged in court.

The 12 layers on the pyramid of a one dollar bill were intended to signify the twelve apostles.

• The laser in a CD burner is powerful enough to ignite paper.

• Several species of chimpanzee determine group leadership by a nonviolent majority vote.

• The longest golf drive on record was 532 yards.

The former game giant Sega takes its name from a variation of the Japanese word for "onion."

• Bottle caps cost more to make than most bottles.

• The average television remote control emits every type of electromagnetic radiation except visible light.

One in five Harvard graduates will be a millionaire before they turn 35.

• At its present rate of depletion, it would take 210 years to cut down five percent of the Amazon forest.

• The man with the world's largest hands can reach 18 inches from the tip of his thumb to the tip of his pinky.

• Fortune magazine suggested that if Bill Gates were to suddenly sell all of his Microsoft stock, it could trigger a ripple effect through the technology sector, the stock exchanges, the U.S. economy, and finally the world economy, which would likely result in a world-wide recession.

Reminder

This is a reminder to me to post about a Civil War dream I had awhile back. I don't feel like typing it now.

A pet peeve of mine

I was trying to think of something to post, and I thought of this...

Something that really rubs me the wrong way, is when I am trying to talk to somebody, and then, in the middle of my saying something, they turn and say something to somebody else. Sometimes it is just walking away or starting to do something else. But usually it is the talking to somebody else. This doesn't happen a lot, but it does on occassion. I actually have an extended family member who does this to me sometimes. I'm not loosing sleep over it, but whenever it happens, I just stop and say, "Ok....nevermind then...." sarcastically. I guess it bothers me because I wouldn't do that to somebody else. It's pretty rude.

I guess an electonic version of this that bothers me is when I send a short email to somebody. And it's only like 2 or 3 sentences. Yet, when the person responds, it seems they only read and wish to respond to the very first sentence. This happens a good bit at work. For instance, it just happened yesterday. I email a tech guy and asked if I was going to have to turn in my new laptop at the end of the year AND if so would I possibly have to get on old one back next year even though I have a new one now?

Well, apparently, thats just too much information to handle. All I got was, "You are expected to turn in your computer."

Thanks. I suppose you want separate emails per sentence, huh?

I will now brag

I have the highest student passage rate percentage of any science teacher in my school on the standardized test.

Way Cool Auto Videos

I found an archive of really cool car repair and maintence videos on AutoZone's website. This is the address: http://www.advanceautoparts.com/english/specials/videoclinic.asp#


Scroll down to the bottom and click "current videos".

READING, READING, READING

I thought of something to blog about. To help me remember what it was I said very loudly in my head, "READING, READING, READING"; because it had to do with reading.

However, I cannot now rememeber what story that is supposed to help me remember.

I am sorry.

I have failed you.

Every time an incandescent light bulb is turned off and back on takes 5 hours off of its lifetime.

Silent Night

I love it when I am tip-toeing through the house very late at night in the dark trying not to make a peep; to keep from waking up a baby, when all of a sudden I kick some giant plastic toy across the floor (sometimes accompanied by music).

6 degrees of separation

Dear Yahoo!:
Who came up with the theory of six degrees of separation?
Irene
Cody, Wyoming
Dear Irene:
The theory that everyone in the world is separated by at most five acquaintances was first proposed in a 1929 short story by the Hungarian writer Frigyes Karinthy. The story was called "Chains," and while the six degrees theory was a purely fictional conceit, the idea proved popular.
In 1967, psychologist Stanley Milgram tried to test the theory by sending several letters to random people in the Midwest. The letter featured the name, address, and occupation of a single person on the East Coast; participants were asked to forward the letters to the people who they thought were most likely to know the person. It took an average of five intermediaries to reach the target.

The experiment came into some scrutiny afterwards, but the results were published in Psychology Today and gave birth to the phrase "six degrees of separation." Playwright John Guare popularized the term with his play, which later became a film starring a then up-and-coming Will Smith.

But get this -- the original 1967 experiment was repeated in 2001 with email, and the same results came back! Then there's that whole Kevin Bacon business....

Conversation I just had with a 6th grade girl

The girl wanted me (don't ask why, it's a long story) a dog's face on her paper. Specifically she wanted me to draw the face of a "Yorkie Poo" dog. Does that dog exist? I don't know. This part follows minutes of amazing miscommunication.

Me: .......I DON'T........ KNOW HOW......... TO DRAW......... A DOG'S FACE.

Her: Please.




:-/

The city of Seattle employes a full-time goose chaser to chase geese out of city parks.

El Quantimiaco no en el pizarroica!!!! ha ha ha ha ha

The title of this posts reflects how I felt today. I made those words up by the way.

I gave blood at church over in the youth building across the street. (I actually saw the guy I splattered blood all over last time.) But what was wierd was, the guy that was taking my blood. He was hispanic. Are they allowed to do that? Just kidding, thats not the funny part. He was hispanic and his accent was extremely thick. I couldn't hardly understand anything he was saying. He would ask me a question, and then I'd have to hope that it wasn't really a question, and then I'd know it was when he said it again. But the funny part was, he kept trying to crack jokes. So this guy's all crackin' jokes, and I can't laugh cause I don't know what he's sayin'. I'm one of those people who wants other people to feel comfortable. And so I'll laugh at somebody's jokes even if they aren't funny. And so it was this real awkward situation. He's sayin' jokes; I'm not laughing; and I'm feeling bad cause I know he feels bad that I'm not laughing.

Funny video of Bush's AP press conference

Has Bush and an impersonator talking. Very funny. Click here.

David: The real one's on the left.

I fixed the previously broken link.

funny

click here (its worth it)

Trying to think of something...

You know...I need to post, but I can't really think of much to post about. Hmmm....let me think.

uh...
I got the windows tinted on my truck. .......go me.


I just ate Brunswick stew. ...it was good.

Oh, oh, here's a Charlie moment story.....

First, here's the background information:

1) Keep in mind that school counselors are the real touchy feely, don't hurt their self-esteem types.

2) I teach some (not all) special ed. kids.

Story:

I was in my classroom, and the students were working on something. And this one boy was goofing off. And I probably told him he should be finished or something, and I think he said something about not being done. And then, the school counselor opened my classroom door and heard me yell the following: "Cause you're slow!!!"

Favorite New Bushisms

I like Bush. I voted for him and would again. But these are sooo funny.

"No question that the enemy has tried to spread sectarian violence. They use violence as a tool to do that." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., March 22, 2006

"People don't need to worry about security. This deal wouldn't go forward if we were concerned about the security for the United States of America." —George W. Bush, on the deal to hand over U.S. port security to a company operated by the United Arab Emirates, Washington, D.C., Feb. 23, 2006

"And I want those who are questioning it to step up and explain why all of a sudden a Middle Eastern company is held to a different standard than a Great British company." —George W. Bush, defending a plan to allow a company controlled by the United Arab Emirates to manage ports in the United States, aboard Air Force One, Feb. 21, 2006

"I think it's really important for this great state of baseball to reach out to people of all walks of life to make sure that the sport is inclusive. The best way to do it is to convince little kids how to—the beauty of playing baseball." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Feb. 13, 2006 

"I like my buddies from west Texas. I liked them when I was young, I liked them then I was middle-age, I liked them before I was president, and I like them during president, and I like them after president." —George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Feb. 1, 2006


"As you can possibly see, I have an injury myself — not here at the hospital, but in combat with a cedar. I eventually won. The cedar gave me a little scratch. As a matter of fact, the Colonel asked if I needed first aid when she first saw me. I was able to avoid any major surgical operations here, but thanks for your compassion, Colonel." —George W. Bush, after visiting with wounded veterans from the Amputee Care Center of Brooke Army Medical Center, San Antonio, Texas, Jan. 1, 2006

"Wow! Brazil is big." —George W. Bush, after being shown a map of Brazil by Brazilian president Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, Brasilia, Brazil, Nov. 6, 2005

"We've got a lot of rebuilding to do. First, we're going to save lives and stabilize the situation. And then we're going to help these communities rebuild. The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch." (Laughter) --George W. Bush, touring hurricane damage, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005

THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE

"I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep on the soil of a friend." —George W. Bush, on visiting Denmark, Washington D.C., June 29, 2005


"I was going to say he's a piece of work, but that might not translate too well. Is that all right, if I call you a 'piece of work'?" —George W. Bush to Jean-Claude Juncker, prime minister of Luxembourg, Washington, D.C., June 20, 2005

LOVED THIS ONE!

"It seemed like to me they based some of their decisions on the word of — and the allegations — by people who were held in detention, people who hate America, people that had been trained in some instances to disassemble — that means not tell the truth." —George W. Bush, on an Amnesty International report on prisoner abuse at Guantanamo Bay, Washington, D.C., May 31, 2005 (Listen to audio)

"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." —George W. Bush, Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005 (Listen to audio)

"I think younger workers — first of all, younger workers have been promised benefits the government — promises that have been promised, benefits that we can't keep. That's just the way it is." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 4, 2005



GOOD ONE…
"I can only speak to myself." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

"But Iraq has — have got people there that are willing to kill, and they're hard-nosed killers. And we will work with the Iraqis to secure their future." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

"I'm going to spend a lot of time on Social Security. I enjoy it. I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it's the Mother in me." —George W. Bush, Washington D.C., April 14, 2005

"We look forward to analyzing and working with legislation that will make — it would hope — put a free press's mind at ease that you're not being denied information you shouldn't see." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 14, 2005

"If they pre-decease or die early, there's an asset base to be able to pass on to a loved one." —George W. Bush, on Social Security money held in private accounts, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, March 30, 2005

[I'm] occasionally reading, I want you to know, in the second term." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., March 16, 2005

"In this job you've got a lot on your plate on a regular basis; you don't have much time to sit around and wander, lonely, in the Oval Office, kind of asking different portraits, 'How do you think my standing will be?'" —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., March 16, 2005

"In terms of timetables, as quickly as possible — whatever that means." —George W. Bush, on his time frame for shoring up Social Security, Washington D.C., March 16, 2005

MY NEW FAVORITE***
"I like the idea of people running for office. There's a positive effect when you run for office. Maybe some will run for office and say, vote for me, I look forward to blowing up America. I don't know, I don't know if that will be their platform or not. But it's -- I don't think so. I think people who generally run for office say, vote for me, I'm looking forward to fixing your potholes, or making sure you got bread on the table." —George W. Bush, on elections in the Middle East, Washington, D.C., March 16, 2005

"I repeat, personal accounts do not permanently fix the solution." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., March 16, 2005

"This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table." —George W. Bush, Brussels, Belgium, Feb. 22, 2005

"You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —George W. Bush, to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005 (Listen to audio)

I LIKE THIS ONE…
"Because he's hiding." —George W. Bush, responding to a reporter who asked why Osama bin Laden had not been caught, aboard Air Force One, Jan. 14, 2005


"I want to appreciate those of you who wear our nation's uniform for your sacrifice." —George W. Bush, Jacksonville, Fla., Jan. 14, 2005

"Who could have possibly envisioned an erection — an election in Iraq at this point in history?" —George W. Bush, at the white House, Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2005

Blood Sport

(Not Micah's - mine)

Micah likes to get on our bed. It is a king and he knows he can fall all over the place and not get hurt. He just falls and laughs, falls and laughs and falls and laughs. The problem is, he doesn't always fall forwards or backwards, or even side to side. He can throw himself in any of 360 degrees. Such was the case Sunday morning. When he threw himself randomly in my direction and head-butted me in the nose. And I don't mean softly. Of course my eyes watered up, and eventually I was blowing blood out of my nose.